Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
