So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
