I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
