He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
