I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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