Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
