guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
