Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
