I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
