The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
