your parents love me but you hate me
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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