So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
