You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
