Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
