And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
