I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
