I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
