Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
