Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
