I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He better not be in your backpack
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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