dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
