these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
