Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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