real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Too much gin, very little bucket
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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