bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
