Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
