if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
