The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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