direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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