The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
