a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
