i don't like sucking hair
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I didn't shave. On purpose
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
