i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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