Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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