forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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