Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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