Banned from zoo.
Again?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
