Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
