I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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