a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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