i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
