I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
