I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
