i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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