I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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