I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
