i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
