we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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