You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
