3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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